


it's a habit, that i keep reaching out for you

by tokyolovejunkie



Category: TsukiPro the Animation
Genre: Angst, M/M, Songfic, Unrequited Love, idk how to tag uhh, literally this entire fic is just angst, mori is whipped for sora, no soara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 08:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27669911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokyolovejunkie/pseuds/tokyolovejunkie
Summary: and now he could never witness it again.without that smile, he had nothing. he could never do the same. he could never breathe properly again.// recommended to listen to 'habit' by seventeen while reading.
Relationships: Arihara Morihito & Oohara Sora, Kagurazaka Soushi/Oohara Sora, Unrequited Arihara Morihito/Oohara Sora
Kudos: 5





	it's a habit, that i keep reaching out for you

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! i am back on my bullshit with hurting soara. again.
> 
> anyway as it says in the summary, PLS listen to habit! after all,,, the lyrics are in here and everything and plus the emotional aspect of it is brought out much more !!

* * *

_You keep meeting somebody_

_and laugh out loud_

_But nothing changes_

_when I think of you laughing somewhere_

* * *

mori walked through the snowy walkways of the city, the lights just a blur in the fog. the buildings stood tall with no ending that you could see, just like a wall that you could never climb. the same wall that mori faced, when he saw the brunette hanging out with the taller. his love that he could never reach.

at one point, they were all friends together, laughing just like normal high schoolers.

* * *

_I feel like I’m losing_

_I feel like an idiot_

* * *

he left them first. he left before he could get hurt. he left to save himself like a coward, and yet it hurt all of them. the days of betrayal and guilt that lingered between them like a thread waiting to be snapped.

but now, he sees that they’ve moved on. they’re together, like it always should’ve been. all they needed to do was to remove mori from the picture. at least mori knew to do it himself, so the couple didn’t need to suffer the pain of cutting their supposed best friend out the picture.

it’s okay, mori says to himself.

it’s okay, because he doesn’t deserve sora. not the same way soushi did.

* * *

_I rather wish that you were having a rougher time_

_I want you to think of me_

* * *

mori prides himself on his morals. in school, he’s part of the student council. the stress has been piling up further and further, yet there is no outlet. no friends that he could look towards. 

he looks across the classroom with tired eyes, to the two that were nuzzling each other in their sleep. a slight, nasty jealousy twisted in his gut.

getting up swiftly, he slammed his book shut and walked out the classroom.

* * *

_Because it’s hard_

_I want to be okay too_

* * *

unable to breathe, mori’s sobs wracked his body. curled up against the fence, he sat on the rooftop alone. not a single student was up here save for himself, and he wasn’t sure if he could handle the embarrassment.

mori’s just been so, _so_ stressed. 

and he hasn’t gotten over sora either.

sniffing, mori cried out to whoever was in the air to listen.

“i just want to be okay too!”

* * *

_I feel my lips dry_

_the lips that used to call you so much_

* * *

mori peacefully woke to the light shining through his window, the summer breeze softly blowing in. there was no alarm, no sora, no soushi to interrupt his dreams. he could just take a break from the world, the only thing he needs being the summer.

he remembered, how they spent last summer.

* * *

_I realized then, like a habitual saying_

_That I desperately looked for you as I called for you_

_I want to embrace you like I did then_

_and tell you that I want to smile_

* * *

“sora!!” mori flashed an annoyed look to the younger as he send his own flurry of splashes towards him. their laughter rang freely throughout the beach, 

sora’s smile radiated kindness, sunshine and love. it captivated him, to mori it was the most endearing thing he had ever witnessed.

and now he could never witness it again.

without that smile, he had nothing. he could never do the same. he could never breathe properly again.

* * *

_When I close my eyes and count one and two_

_Before I know it, I’m asleep and I look for you in my dream unknowingly_

_I think it’s a lie that I want to forget you_

* * *

“mori ~” a hand brushed the blonde’s hair from his face.

“sora? why are you in my bed?”

“eh? why not? i always slept with you mori! why do you act like i don’t anymore?” sora pouted, his bedhead peeking out from the covers. 

he snuggled closer to the taller, who felt extremely confused. he didn’t stop sora though.

“because you don’t? you’re always with sou, aren’t you?” mori panicked. this felt too real, what was going on?

“huh? sou? who is that? are you ok, mori?”

sitting up in a flash, mori woke up in cold sweat.

“ah.. it was just a dream. of course.”

there’s no way that could ever happen.

* * *

_No, maybe it’s become a habit instead_

_I think I want to forget your name_

_that I’m calling again even now_

* * *

mori scratched notes into his page, maybe a little more aggressively than necessary. he just needed to distract himself from the two inseparable people across the room.

luckily, their new seats placed mori further away from them. it made it easier for him to forget.

but he didn’t want to. his feelings would never let go for a moment.

* * *

_I rather wish that you were having a rougher time_

_I want you to think of me_

* * *

he saw sora crouched against the wall that surrounded their school, crying into his report page. the grades were expected, without a star student like mori helping him out and soushi not being any better.

mori shifted as he looked at the couple through the window, a faint “my parents are going to kill me!” echoing through the courtyard.

mori wasn’t a heartless person, he liked to think. but sora deserved it.

did sora think about mori now? how he could’ve helped him pass?

* * *

_Because it’s hard_

_I want to be okay too_

* * *

it felt like so long ago, when mori realised his feelings for sora.

and when soushi had gotten to him first. 

a tear slid down mori’s face as he packed his belongings from the classroom, in time for graduation.

“i’m still not okay, sora. why did.. why did you leave me?”

* * *

_I feel my lips dry_

_The lips that used to call you so much_

* * *

when mori was selected to represent at the graduation ceremony, it had completely slipped his mind that he had to read out everyone’s name as well.

“...ohara sora.” the slight pause could’ve been completely normal to anyone else. and yet, when they made eye contact for the first time in 2 years, it felt like an electric shock.

his lips felt more cracked than usual, and if anyone saw him muttering sora’s name later nobody commented on it.

* * *

_I realized then, like a habitual saying_

_That I desperately looked for you as I called for you_

_I want to embrace you like I did then_

_and tell you that I want to smile_

* * *

as mori trudged through the snow, the familiar lights coming into view again through the fog, he breathed in the cold air. a familiar head of brown hair walked by, and he called out, “sora?”

but of course, why would there be any reason to respond to someone you don’t know?

* * *

_I want to tell you that I want to see you_

* * *

mori turned, calling out for sora again.

* * *

_Now that you’re gone_

* * *

the shorter one began to run, realising who it was that knew his name. that knew his face.

* * *

_The habit_

* * *

mori caught on easily, his bigger build able to catch up quickly.

* * *

_of calling you_

* * *

“sora.” mori breathed, finally catching a glimpse of the brown eyes that he had missed for years.

* * *

_I live_

* * *

“mori.” there was no trace of a smile evident on the shorter’s face. it was like he had never smiled in his life.

* * *

_unable to erase it_

* * *

“...sorry.” mori turned away, dropping the other’s wrist. his heart threatened to burst out of his chest. 

it hurt so much.

* * *

_Because of you_

* * *

without looking back, mori walked away. sora watched the taller figure fade into the crowds, and then into the fog, like he never came up to him in the first place.

* * *

_I feel my lips dry_

_The lips that used to call you so much_

_I realized then, like a habitual saying_

_That I desperately looked for you as I called for you_

_I want to embrace you like I did then_

* * *

leaping off the edge, mori realised the true purpose of his life. he was never meant to shine, he was never meant to live. he was never meant to love.

he wanted to feel all those things, and the world would just not let him.

* * *

_and tell you that I want to smile_

**Author's Note:**

> ... surprise?
> 
> (btw, i hate formatting!!!!)


End file.
